Saturday, April 2, 2011
I have been apart of so many women's groups and have listened to women complain about why they nag. For some of them; it makes them feel better. For others, they think if they stop then "the man" won't stop whatever it is he is doing.
Ladies, look....you have got to stop. Trust me. I know this from experience. I was never a nagger. Ever! My ex boyfriends will sware to this. However, after a situation with my ex i started nagging. But i had reason to nag. I'm not saying don't nag if you have reason too. Just don't nag if you plan on staying. What is the point? That is waisted time and energy. I worked myself up sooooo much and got so stressed out that the only person i was putting through hell was myself. Why? Because i was betrayed. But that is not the worse part, i left him days after finding out what i found out. So the worse part is that i was no longer living with him but still causing trouble. Your probably thinking, "You had every right" Well not really. Despite the story or what happened, i still should have walked away cold turkey. Today, i would have walked away with a smile and said "Thank you God, for taking me out"
Nagging is the worse thing you can do to yourself but above all your kids.
It may not be about cheating. Find the root cause of the problem. Sometimes goals and expectations can not be met because there is a lack of communication. It is important that couples know what goals and expectations have been set for the relationship goals and expectations need to be clearly expressed. They must be specific, achievable and be time-measured. Not all nagging is due to cheating or a bad habit.
Talk without shouting. Raised voices can cause a person to immediately become defensive. When in a protective mode, the husband may shut down emotions and stop listening. I will seriously tell you that probably all men or MOST do this. Men and women do not do not do things the same way. He may retreat inside himself to get away from an unpleasant situation. It may cause him to have low self-esteem or to lash out in angry retaliation causing an escalation in the conflict. I have seen this with my own eyes. It is not pretty.
If you, like myself, are nagging because of a cheating partner, LET IT GO! Pray for his healing ( i know it's hard) and pray for the WOMEN/Girls he is with. But look at it this way my sister, "It is no longer your problem and the same way she/they found him will be the same way she/they will loose him" Wish him well. Pray for him and let it go!
Live, laugh and learn to dance. If you know how to dance, keep dancing!
In a few years you will look back and laugh. Take care of yourself. Find yourself. Love yourself. Believe in YOURSELF and move on.
Love, Liz (Ms.Deva)