Thursday, March 31, 2011

So You Think He Is Cheating???

I received an email this morning from a friend of mine and this gave me the reason to post this blog today.

She asked, "How do you know when a man is cheating...i mean what are the signs..."
The email was pretty intense. If you think your man is cheating and you are confused on what to do, then you have to seriously evaluate your life. Do you have children together? Do you own property/Business? What has been invested? Are you in love? What are your beliefs of marriage? (If you are married) Has he cheated before? How many times? (Like for real) Have you both went to counselling?

I can go on and on with the questions but that is not the main point of this email.

I have been there before, and all i will say is this, you have to ask yourself TWO questions. "Can i forgive him and live the rest of life with this" Because let me tell you this, if you say you are going to forgive him and then nag about it day and night. That is NOT forgiveness. Forgiving is the hardest thing to do. Why? Because of PRIDE. But it is what you must do if you decide to stay. Period. The children do not need to hear about your issues. They do not need to see you fighting over this. That will set the standards that they will live by in their own relationships when they get older. The most important person in this situation are the kids. Yes that's right, the kids. Protect them. For me, that is who i had to put first. Do you know how many times i have heard couples of all ages but especially older ones say "We only stayed together so many years because of the children." Are you kidding me? Then they separate 30 years later or have an affair. That is nonsense. If you are together just for the children, then you need to separate ASAP. If it does not happen now, believe me, you will be sorry.

Use wisdom. If you pray and ask God, He will show you the way. But be prepared to obey.

Maybe it was something he may have said, or done that may have sparked a little doubt in your mind the he is being loyal.

It is far too easy in this situation to say " No, he's not like that," or " he wouldn't do that to me."
Let me tell you: He could, he can, and he will. I was one of those ladies that swore up and down on God on everything, that my man would NEVER. What was my proof? I use to say "He is a man of God" Hhhhhhmm. Don't ever say, he would never!

When you start suspecting your man is cheating on you, this is your female intuition (for me it was God) raising a huge RED FLAG. You need to listen to what you think deep down in your gut, because this is the voice of truth that you NEED to hear and listen to. If you don't, like me, you will be sorry (or maybe not).

I have put together my own tell-tale signs for you.

6 tell-tale signs that he's cheating on you:

1. He's been putting you down lately or picking fights with you (this is a tactic they use to ease their guilt).

2. They get defensive if you question where they've been or ask about females that he has saved in his cell phone that are not mutual friends (or like myself, it could be a mutual friend or YOUR friend)

3. He has all of a sudden been meticulous with keeping his physical appearance up.

4. He's been getting a lot of calls/texts lately. He may act like he's in a rush to get off the phone.

5. He has been sleeping on the couch wayyy too much lately while you are off to bed. Then he comes in later and wants to make love. RED FLAG! Obviously ladies staying in the living room is not his routine. Pay attention.

6. He puts a password on his phone. He never had one to begin with.

7. He asks you where you are all of the time. You think he's being concerned. The reality is... he's making sure he won't get caught in the act. Again, pay attention.

For me, there was not many signs so i had to do the math afterwards. My partner was a home body. Literally. This is why he had to do this with someone who was close to us. So just because your partner has no friends or stays home, watch it!!! I also had about 8 dreams the last month and a half that he was cheating. I paid very little attention to them. I did not pray about it. When i pray and ask God to cover me and my situation, it usually comes to pass. This was not meant to happen, but it did. I can't stand when people say "Oh it was just meant to happen" NO, don't fall for that. God does not like divorce or separation. What He brings together, no man can tear apart. But He gives us the power of choice. It's up to the individual to give into his lustful selfish desires. If he does, he looses everything. Literally!!!

Despite what the decisions are that you will both make, do it in peace. try your hardest to be civil. Don't waist time and energy on nonsense.



  1. This is very intense. I have had many thoughts like this about my partner for many months. Sometimes i think it is better off not knowing but you are so right about the kids. My son has seen us fight so many times and i know he is troubled by it. The thing is i have never caught him. He cheated about 5 years ago before we had our son and i stayed. Ever since that i think he has been cheating off and on. I just don't know what to do.

  2. Thank you for the email.
    This is a very tricky situation. Marriage is a bit different from dating. Are you married? It is not fair for me to say "once a cheater" always a cheater. Because i truly do not believe this. However, you really have to look deep inside YOU. You can't go on like this. Fighting infront of the kids. Have you went for counselling? Try it...if you have not. Open up the lines of communication between the both of you.
    Love, Ms.Deva