Sunday, February 13, 2011

Saying Good Bye!

When you think of the word "friend" what comes to mind? Is it someone you see everyday and speak to often or is it someone you barely see or speak too, but you know is there.

I have a few friends that i may not see a lot, and sometimes, for stretches, not at all, which is ok with me. I'd rather see the a friend a couple times a year than suffer a faux friend a couple times a week just for the sake of having her around. The deepest friendships have nothing to do with proximity; they aren't based on how long we've known each other but on how well we love and respect each other.

I never have to wonder where i stand with these friends. We never fear of anything in each other's company. I can tell these friends anything and know they'd never think less of me, or cut me off, or gossip about my personal issues, or use my past or current anger or maybe fear -against me.
I'm talking about genuine friendship. I'm talking about two-way deal. Protecting and sincerely celebrating each other. With these people, i do not worry about what betrayals await me, and I've never felt used by them either. I never worry about not calling them because i know they are there when i do. At my most vulnerable, I've probably relied on them for comfort a little too much, but they have never used it against me or made me feel as if i was being "too needy." These people have given me the hope that there really is "true genuine friendships"

Other friends, though, just aren't good for us, no matter how hard we try to make things work. I have had one too many of these "friends" The ones that suck all your energy...the ones that never have anything productive to talk about. The ones that call when they "need" something. The ones that come and go "as they please or when it benefits them" The ones we know deep within do not care for us one bit.  If we're cleaning out our lives of stuff that threatens our well-being, a bad friend belongs right there on the pile. She takes up far more of your time than she deserves, and yet we keep her around for the same reasons we hang on to the clothes in closet that we don't even wear. If you are anything like me, maybe you think this friend will change or maybe "she" is just going through something.

I think this "friend or frenemy" can be exposed with a few easy questions: Do you look forward to seeing this person, or do you drag out the day and time you have to see her/him? Is this person happy to see you, or is he/she nagging the entire time? Will you walk away from this meeting feeling good—or feeling empty?

Will you regret the time spent with this person? Maybe you could have just stayed at home or did something else.....these are very important questions to ask yourself. I mean, why waist your time and theirs as well.

I've had a few such friendship "diseases" in my life, and I'm absolutely positive I've been one also, but part of growing up means knowing when to stop playing pretend. Remaining attached to some people is like slaving... and allowing myself be a sucker to negative energy only deprives me of the opportunity to nurture those friendships that do work. As a busy mother, employee, business owner, sister, daughter, student, and woman, i battle with enough...trying to separate my time for all my duties. I mean i barely have enough time as it is, much less to spend it with those unworthy of it. My plate if full and if I'm going to free up my time for other things and people, it is going to be well worth it. I don't mean doing extravagant things...NO! This could be just a coffee date, but it's REAL.

The truth never fails to show itself in those "real friendships"  True friends bear each other's burdens. Without this, there's nothing.
I read this piece this morning  "Friendship is about collaboration, not domination. Because we should be stewards of each other's rooms, I am happy to help you keep yours clean, but life is too fleeting to let you continue trashing mine."

Maybe you are holding onto someone just "because"
Maybe you have known this person your whole life. Maybe you owe this person something. Maybe you your just "too" comfortable.
Well today, ask yourself the questions above and if you know deep within that you must LET GO, than do so in a respectful manner. Don't drag this on any longer.

The drama queen. The attention addict. The angry girl. The complaining nag. When poison friends attack your life, sometimes you just need to say goodbye.

Love, Liz

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