Tuesday, November 16, 2010
I describe betrayal as any experience that produces guilt, fear, bitterness or anger. Sometimes even helplessness. The CONFUSION often comes when you want to let go.
"I mean it happened so long ago" we say to ourselves "so why am i still confused?"
We feel they did the best "they" could, so why do we feel demeaned?
How we respond to betrayal will determine how we choose to see our lives. It will be mirrored in all our relationships, jobs and will especially highlight our feelings about ourselves.
This blog is not only about being betrayed, it is also a message about betraying others.
Is betrayal a common problem in every relationship? Be it mother/daughter, boyfriend/girlfriend, brother/brother or co-workers.....
Whether our acts were accidental, deliberate or just a need, the hurt and resentment linger for years and manifest in all areas. It can even affect new relationships that have nothing to do with the prior one where betrayal took place.
What do we do?
You can rage and put yourself and others through "hell", keeping the resentment fresh with daily reminders or you can even numb the pain with denial and choose to stay in a hurting relationship acting "as if" lt were forgiven, when you know good and well you can't get the acts of betrayal out of your mind. In any case, whatever you choose, if we can't let go and truly cut all "dealings" with this person or people using and abusing you, treating you like their personal yo-yo...when they are suppose to be the ones protecting you. Let go and experience the overwhelming feeling of JOY and lightness God has set out for you.
If you do not let go, you will hold a shield over your heart, not trusting, and this will limit emotional intimacy, pure kindness and sincere love.
YOU CAN'T EVER FAKE TRUST IN YOUR DEEPEST SELF.
I tried, trust me, it can't ever be mastered, if it's not real!
This affects self esteem as well. You can be the most handsome man or most beautiful woman in the world, you will not feel like it at all. You won't even trust yourself. You will end up choosing the easiest path because "the grass looks greener on the other side" you will attract others who are also holding resentment in their hearts from prior relationships...and the both of you will clash and create thunderstorms.... and you will stir up anger and blame!!!!! You both can NOT do the whole relationship thing because neither of you have LET GO of the past!
There are things I'm learning to master. Through acts of betrayal in my life that started as a child until now, i somewhat lost myself in anger. I have done things that were not of me. I said things that not like me. I was born with love. I grew with love. I AM LOVE! Someone once told me that is why they chose me "because you teach me to love" the person said. But through this attack on my life, it brought back memories of my father and feelings of anger, hurt and sadness. I forgave my father when i was saved, but did i? I mean if this attack on my life recently made me angry at my father all over again, did i truly forgive him? My friends, there is meaning to everything that takes place in our lives.
For awhile last year, i slipped away from God. When i say that, i mean my prayer life was not the same. I went to church when i felt like it. I could not stand for church folk to talk to me and when i was asked to be apart of any church events or activity i rebelled in my own way and never communicated my feelings to the leaders. I stayed distant and did not want to have a "home church" My family and i were abused and betrayed by church folk so i could not care less for them or the house of God! I questioned everything and everyone around me. I was very BITTER and had no interest in ever trusting or LOVING again. But it did not take long before God checked ME!
I now know that trust requires faith in the basic integrity of someone. I know that there are times that we need to separate a person from his/her actions. We can be angry at their actions while still loving the being.
I recognize that LOVE and TRUST are NOT the same.
I/we can love someone but realize that we may never be able to trust again because that person can and will not change. We except this and still choose to love and forgive. God can and is able to heal all wounds but he did not promise it would be the same again for you. Not if the other individual has not given up their "selfishness" yet. God will only deliver those who want and desire deeply to be delivered. Therefore sometimes we have to worry about ourselves first. Work on you before you can work on someone else.
Incidents of insensitivity can bring strong feelings of betrayal and doubt. Yet, you know that you still love them and work towards the change in YOU....that will open up your heart to the possible return to TRUST.
Forgiveness is our best HOPE.
It is a major shift in awareness.
IRONICALLY IT WILL AND CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR ABILITY TO LET GO OF A CONNECTION THAT NO LONGER SERVES YOUR NEEDS.
If you are no longer bound by anger and guilt, then it is easier to say "good-bye" without more drama.
How can we truly forgive?
Forgiveness is a word that has a different meaning to each person. The most powerful result of forgiveness is to allow the forgiver to reclaim the peace of mind that comes from letting go.
You need NOT CONDONE the action, nor deny the painful feelings...you must bravely and totally acknowledge the true FACTS and experiences, in order to know that you are ready to release.
Forgiveness does NOT require having to let the betrayer back into your life. This is where most of us got it twisted. It is about releasing the feelings inside and excepting the lessons learned. We make it so difficult to ourselves by bouncing back and forth with them and our feelings.
IT IS ABOUT SEEKING A PEACE OF MIND.
The most difficult process is FORGIVENESS OF THE SELF.
I shoulda did this....i shoulda did that....STOP!
As we free ourselves from the shame caused by others and our own mistakes, we free ourselves.
I allowed the feelings of betrayal to prevent me from fulfilling my purpose for some time. It put a road block on the journey God was taking me on.
I have decided, i will forgive! Don't get me wrong, forgiving does not mean you will tolerate foolishness. NO! You must voice your opinion when necessary BUT you will not die in shame no longer.
Forgiving has barely anything to do with the other person. It is about releasing YOURSELF from that bondage. "Sit back and watch them. You will see. Just humble yourself and let me do what I'm doing" The Lord said to me. hmmmmmm.....
I was once filled with so much love. Gods love. When i realized i was becoming like these people...heartless and cold, i was determined to WAKE UP!
Not long ago my sister in Christ, Vanessa Wheatlle and i were in prayer and she said to me "Liz you have to let go. You are becoming like them. Cold and heartless. This is NOT you and i rebuke this our of your body NOW" I was in shock and literally started crying out to God. I WILL NOT be like them. I rather die...i said to God. My Unforgiven heart was eating me alive!
That day changed my life. Entirely. I was delivered and freed.
I'm on my way. Fulfilling my purpose and what God has called me to do.....Heal the broken, abused and confused.
My days are brighter and more meaningful.
We must pray and ask God to have mercy on us and those who are living in sin and hurting themselves.
Rememberr HURTING PEOPLE WILL HURT PEOPLE!
They, themselves are hurting and know no better. They have been hurt themselves in their past before they became a betrayer. They became a product of their past.
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do, this time around. I'm growing and learning that i MUST! My flesh does not desire to forgive, but my spirit and soul knows i MUST!
Forgiveness is taking me to places i never imagined.
You and i will be blessed mightily through forgiveness.
I Am who I Am because of the abuse and betrayal i experienced and survived. I AM CHOSEN!
To get to where I AM going i had to go through this.
I GET IT NOW!!!!