Saturday, August 23, 2014
Hints for Effective Communication With Your Adult Children
If there is ONE thing I know I definitely mastered in life, it was and is the relationship between my 22 year old son and I. I thank God everyday for giving me the strength, wisdom and patience to be the mother he needs me to be- consistently. He has loved me unconditionally and his love is and has always been the reason I strive to rise higher.
Now in saying this, many of my friends and family have asked me how Keeno (my son) and I have managed to have such a healthy strong bond? Even throughout his teenage years, we had zero drama! My only answer to this is COMMUNICATION! I really don't know what else to say. Well, that accompanied with respect. I have always respected his space and his need to have his own voice. I may not agree with everything he says or believes BUT at the end of the day, he is an individual apart from me. He is apart of me, but we are not one being.
I want to share a few tips with you on how we've managed to be open and honest with one another. He has never feared me and he has always respected my advice and views.
Lizzy's Own Words of Advice:
1. Build a foundation of laughter and feel good moments:
There is no one on this planet that makes me laugh harder than my sons. No one! I mean, I laugh until I can't breath with them. Keeno and I have these moments at least 4 times a week- or more. Learn to have fun with your children. No matter that their age may be, they are the funniest beings on earth. They are so innocent and open to doing the silliest things. Embrace their desires to build a fort under the kitchen table and those days they just want to roll down a hill with you. Be present with your kids. When you become present with them, you will have some of the greatest moments of your life. If you have children, you shouldn't under any circumstance be lonely or unhappy.
2. Think Before You Speak!
Have I always mastered this? NO!!! However, I have learned through experience, that this is something many of us moms do not do. I am sure this is something we have all struggled with. As the bible states, "the power of life and death lies in the tongue" We can seriously harm our children emotionally (and others) with the words we use. My son and I have said things to one another that we wish we didn't. The most important part here is that we said sorry and didn't repeat the same mistake over again. I can count maybe 3 times in his whole life, this has happened. Of course our emotions get the best of us. Think before you speak.
Now the BIG one!
Half of communication is composed on what we send out. And the other half consists of the messages we receive. My biggest struggle USE to be- speaking over another person when I felt my opinion or what I had to say was more important. Believe it or not, my son is the one who taught me to LISTEN! I have watched him sit back and bite his tongue while disputing something- only because he wanted the other person to finish speaking. Those were lessons in my life about my own integrity. I've barely ever seen him angry or yelling (outside of 2 times). He simply speaks his mind in a calm and humble manner and does a fantastic job at getting his point across AFTER listening. If you want to have a healthy strong relationship with your children, you've got to hear them out. After all, they do have their own opinions you know. Who says you're always right? Not to say it's a right or wrong matter here. You've just got to listen more. Most of out children just want to be heard.
My FINAL one:
Trust and believe that your son / daughter will do a fantastic job in any and everything they do. If they don't, oh well. Did you live a perfect life with no mistakes? No you didn't. So let them grow up. Just as you are also STILL growing.