Saturday, December 29, 2012
My World With Boys!
Yesterday I attended a friends wedding and as I sat at my table watching 'mostly' little boys running around, I could not help but study them. Boys are so interesting and truly I believe men will always be little boys inside. But it also inspired me to think of the power, strength and determination mothers hold within. Whether single or married.
I would say in the last three to four generations, a mother has raised her children with little to no hands-on support.In many cases her extended family is nonexistent. Her husband / partner may work long hours away from the home, or may be, in divorce, pushed away by the ex-spouse or opts away on his own. More and more moms are working themselves and taking part time even full time courses in College / University. A huge percentage of children are born to unmarried women. More than half of these children spend part of their childhood in a home run by a single mother.
I have got to give it up to "us" moms! I see plenty awards shows but not much to recognize MOMS! Please mark my word, I will host an awards show for moms one day soon. Actually I am working on the details of an event for 2013.
Single moms have done an incredible job balancing their lives and raising healthy boys. Alone. I can speak for myself in raising my 20 year old son who I am so proud of today. Oh what a bright young man he is :-)And to see what my soon to be 5 year old son is becoming just brings great joy to my heart. I thank God for his hands on dad.
There are a few basic values and principles that despite how dysfunctional my parents were, they, along with my Avo (grandmother) instilled in me and in return I have passed them along to my boys. Then there are values and things my parents DID NOT give me or do with me that I have discovered on my own and made it a priority to pass onto my boys. Both my biological and foster boys; discipline, rules, structure so that they know their limits; engage, when my boys need me to, be hands on involved with their activities, whether sports, school or hobbies, be available and open to discuss topics, like sexual and aggression oriented questions; and being able to love them unconditionally.
There are so many things I have learned about boys / men through my relationships with ALL my boys including my former husband. The dreams I have for my boys are pretty simple. I want them to be husbands; husbands of not only their own families, but husbands of communities, husbands of culture as a whole, husbands of others around the world, husbands of earth itself, and husbands of their own life journey. Boys, even in gangs seek to husband something, some one or some sacred goal.
Given what I know about how a boy is built and how he is socialized, I have no choice but to notice that without a sacred role to grow into, he will, as he becomes a man, be more likely to join a gang, abuse his lover (mentally, emotionally or physically) cheat on his wife, abandon his children, live in emotional isolation, become an addict, lonely or unhappy. A boy needs structure and discipline in order to discover himself. I know this by looking back at the relationship between my ex and i and why he had so many issues. They are issues that were built during his childhood. I also know this from studying my teenage foster boys. Boys needs to live a journey that has clear responsibilities and goals. HE NEEDS A ROLE IN HIS LIFE! Without it, he does not know his important objective in life. He will roam around only suspecting he has some.
Truly their destiny is in the palms of our hands. We have got to be willing to do the hard work of making our boys into loving, wise and powerful men. Moms, we can't sit back and expect that dad will do it all. No. Let's do our part entirely. Watch videos on raising boys. Read informative books on raising boys. Get involved in your community with other moms who are raising boys.
If you take care of your boys, they will also take care of you!