I can recall just 4-5 years ago, when I literally struggled to believe what my propose really was. I mean, I had a feeling that 'speaking' was my calling but those negative thoughts of 'I am not good enough' kept bombarding my mind. I was confused and of course I was living in that 'victim' mode.
I am often asked, "how do you know what your purpose is?"
It wasn't until I started seeing myself as a son of God (a child of God) and understanding who's I was-that I began to see WHO I was. Through out my life, I believed I was called to do many things. I started off by thinking I was a 'Fashion Stylist' and so I worked with many artists as a wardrobe stylist and fashion consultant. I went on to sell products; such as makeup, skin care, clothing, accessories etc. And believe me, the list goes on. I was all over the place. Confused...and no direction or sense of purpose. It wasn't until I began to study the word of God- that I really understood what my purpose was.
You see, when I decided to take a step back and just rediscover who I really was and why I was created, it was in that moment that I realized-outside of KNOWING God, I was nothing... and outside of God, nothing really mattered. Everything I had started, I couldn't finish. Everything I thought I was suppose to do-was total opposite of what I was called to do. It was all apart of what God was calling me to do, but it wasn't the THING I was born and created to do.
Yes, today, I use my fashion sense to do what I do because it's apart of my branding and marketing BUT it isn't what God called me to do. I know this because even while I was in that scene and phase in my life- there was still a void. I still felt empty. Everything I did (business wise) was what my flesh desired NOT my spirit. So I had to make up my mind to surrender to God! I had to stop the 'doing' and just BE!
In doing so, I had to first heal! I was broken and needed a whole lot of healing. In healing, I realized and discovered a deep desire to heal others. I did not call that desire upon myself. God Himself called me to do so. Through many visions and dreams He called me to do what I do today. BUT!!!! There was a process. Ohhhh there was a process!!!
I had to prepare myself for the journey and in doing so I had to be willing to go through the process. Let me tell you, the process was not easy. When I say this, what I am saying is that I had to unlearn everything I learned. I had to be willing to do it God's way...because no other way worked!
Only through knowing God, I discovered my secondary purpose. My primary purpose was KNOWING Him. Apart from knowing God, our thoughts and desires are based off of flesh. And so everything I thought I was suppose to do, was what my 'flesh' wanted to do NOT what God called me to do. And the only way to know what it was that God called me to do, I had to first KNOW God. My Father, my creator, my sustainer, my provider!
I felt this deep desire to serve girls and to use my story in service of my community. I was confused as to how to go about using my voice BUT He gave me the tools to do so. It was the one thing I had tried that for some reason came with ease. Everything I needed to fulfill this calling- was and is available to me. After all, He called me to do this-so He will make it possible.
This is how I know that I have discovered my purpose. I first found Him and in Him, I have healed and I am whole. In knowing God, I have come to know who I AM and what I am called to do! But I was first called to KNOW Him. To live in Him and allow Him to live in ME!
It's not 'me' doing anything but it's what I see my Father (God) doing through me.
There is no better feeling than knowing that I am putting a smile on my daddies face! Abba!