Be Still!

I'm sitting at my desk at work still in shock over the conversation i just had with my friend Tamara.
Remember yesterday when i mentioned that i had a couple of soul sisters. I have known her since i was a child.
Threw thick and thin, good and bad. The streets. The hustles. Cameos. Goose jackets. Public Enemy....our wars over Jay Z...etc There is nothing that her and i have not seen together. It would take more than  just Satan to get passed us. It will never happen. Period. We get into the deepest conversations. About Life. God. Religion. Spirituality. People. Friends. etc We have sat for hours upon hours all nighters many nights...laying on her couch or bed chatting. We get very deep. Deeper than any conversation i have ever had with anyone. It has always been that way. She always reminded me of my vuvoo (grandma)

I have seen my share of things and DIRT. Both in the church and out of the church. I'm not going to get deep about that. But today, Tamara and i were conversing and she asked for for "a particular church goer's number" After giving her the info, we got into a VERY DEEP chat. I gave her the heads up that i would be posting "her" email. Please keep in mind; this is not the average woman. She is wise beyond belief and has been reading her bible since we were children on a daily basis. She memorizes many verses and scriptures and will use them when need be. She can read threw you like a WINNER! She has always been the "one" to put me in check. Always. She fears nothing and no one but GOD! I can not remember ever at any point where i was right while she was wrong. Nope. Never. When it comes to my friends, people, or situations, she has always nailed it. I highly admire her strength and her push in life. But above all i admire her "no tolerance for fakers."

Read:

"Its really good though that you get to see them in that light, think of all the naive people that still believe in these frauds. Well that’s how child molesters move, they prey on innocent children, that are naive, they use tactics like they are the child's friend and gives them a familiar sense of comfort as they lure their prey. Much like the church right, Us/You being the child ( God) and the ever-wise Satan is the molester. He knows you are a believer so he lays a net for you in the form of comfort via your makers name, he brings it in the form sometimes of what you crave most, if your father's name is what it takes to trick you then he'll use and twist it, cause you were a believer, but now that you "know" God, it's different. People forget, Satan is a genius, he's no punk, God gave him power. So as you grow closer to God and begin to know him and understand him it becomes simply clear to you. You don't go where you think God is, knowing he's everywhere, NO you just remain silent and stay where you FEEL him, where you feel him, that’s where he'll be, so pretty much-everywhere you are. Now your no longer a believer of the church, you are a visitor. God has a sense of humor so its okay to visit a haunted house once in a while!

The church is like the mad house girl (not all of them in my opinion) u Neva heal there, They just give you "meds" Sunday to comfort you, you stay sick, they need you sick, to keep coming for your "meds" or the church will close down.
You know what I'm battling with right now, If this whole "loving yourself, put yourself first #1 isn't another brilliant lie of the devil? It's a selfish act really, nothing Godly about that. I get more satisfaction in my soul when I give of myself, that’s when I love myself most, is when I'm giving to others. It's also when I feel most in the likeness of the image of God. Like I said, I'm looking into that and battling it daily. If it is a lie, I think that one has been Satan's greatest lie thus far! Genius. God doesn't love himself more than us, how would he forgive? I'm trying to find one place in any of my good books where God tells me to Put myself first before others? To give to others one must be of love. Knowing and being one with God is the a guarantee of the love for myself, fooling me thinking I've got to waste time learning to love myself, see yourself first. I'm still not convinced. I started a love affair with myself the minute God came into my life, those liars. We all have our own truth in life to uncover because every man has a purpose, what I just learned which was a little scary actually is the majority of people in life, die never getting to find their true selves, or their purpose. Just stay close to God, take the crust out of your third eye, do not be like the majority that never get to use that gift. Be still."

She like myself, has seen it all. This email still has me.

What does it mean to have a relationship with God?