My Early Morning Fix!

It is early in the morning and I'm up making a dish for my sisters family dinner gathering today. I'm so anxious to go and wake up Keeno to get my morning fix; coffee.

During my stay in Punta Cana, i barely drank coffee. Actually if i had a cup, it was a tiny tea cup and i don't ever remember finishing the entire coffee. I had zero cravings for it but i enjoyed a cup while I was writing every morning.

Here, the second i wake up, i want MY COFFEE! Get out of my way if i don't have it (lol)
I always had a feeling it was all in my own mind/head but i really got this when i went away. Here at home I crave things like chocolate, chips now and then...etc But while I was there I craved fruits, soup and healthy foods. It is so amazing what this climate and country does to you/me. I mean why do we crave these things here? Is it the weather? The atmosphere? I don't get this.

I really do wish we had nice weather all year around. There are however the benefits to not having it. We don't have tornadoes, major storms etc. Not yet anyway.

Ok about 20 more minutes before Keeno wakes up for work and gets my morning fix. For now.

What is you early morning fix?

My First Love & The Love of My Life!

I can honestly say with confidence that many people do not know me. I mean, they know me but they don't KNOW me. In general, I'm a very private person. I have been this way all my life. I guess it has something to do with my upbringing.

But there is something that EVERYONE does know about me and it is "the two loves of my life" Everything i do in life, is about them. I barely yell. I don't hit. I'm patient (for the most part) ...and before i make any rash decisions in life, I think of their well being.

My First Love- This MAN is and has always had the soft spot in me. He is stubborn at times (hhmm wonder where he got that from) ...he is extremely smart. He searches and investigates everything. If you ask about space, he knows it. If you ask about sports, he knows it. If you ask about science or history, he knows it. It blows my mind at times...how much he knows. On top of being wise, he is very handsome, dedicated and faithful. It brings tears to my eyes because i worked so hard to instill the morals my parents taught me, in him. I believe that my generation is the last to have the "ol' school lessons" and so i teach him the fine lessons in life. I tell him, "when I'm no longer here and... you remember these things, you will be alright." He tells me, "i can't live without you...i would go crazy if something happened to you." I obviously don't like when he speaks like this. Because despite anything i WILL go before him. God willing.
I have made sooo many mistakes in life. Especially growing up. I thank God for my "other family" I call them my "Jamaican Family." Because they were the ones to help me through it all. I was lost but through them, i was found. While i was out wondering the countries, they helped me with Keeno.
Keeno is MY FIRST LOVE. I don't think i have ever been in love before. I have come close, but to actually say I have fallen in love, I'd be lying. When i look into Keeno's eyes, i see ME! I see a young leader. An inspirational man. A dedicated boyfriend and husband one day. A responsible brother. A helping man. I see MY FIRST LOVE!

The Love of My Life - Just a few years ago (about 6) there was a void in my life. No matter what i did or who i was with, there was always something missing. I took a couple years for myself...and did some soul searching but I could never figure out what it was. There was just something missing. I thought maybe it was a husband (just like almost every single girl) I figured if i get into a steady relationship, i will have another baby too. I had always wanted a few children but life never permitted that. Keeno was already older. Much older. I thought of adopting many times. I actually looked into it. I started the process and then paused a few times. I guess the Lord did not want me to take this route. I felt so empty at times. I barely spoke about it, but my family always knew deep down there was something missing in my life. I was always the strong one. The leader. But my eyes couldn't lie. Make a long story short, i got married and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy March 25 2008. This was the day i started to live life to the fullest. This very moment, i was reborn. Every single day of his life is a joy to me. I remember laying in the hospital room just staring in his eyes for hours.

We named him Captain from the second he was born.
He is the love of my life, because he is the LOVE i have never felt. He is the love that keeps my heart going. He is the reason i know there is real love on this earth. He inspires me to be the best i can be. He gave me life again. I thought maybe "marriage" would fix my emptiness but it was not that at all. That void i had was filled from Captain. I have never felt empty since. Despite what goes on in my life, i will always be ok. I have 2 beautiful sons that adore me and when they look at me, they look at me with REAL LOVE! My boys are so in love with me. I have got to be the luckiest woman in the world. Plus I'm even luckier with a third son, my foster son.

There are certain things i just don't need for anymore. I don't need a man to tell me I'm beautiful. I don't need company around me to feel wanted or loved. I don't have any space at all for false friends. I don't take any time at all away from my kids to be in company outside of work related company. The friends I have now, I will have forever. All the decisions i make are based on the well being of my boys!
God i wish it was always like this. I got to this point through trial and tribulation.

I know God is watching over us. I know this. If i were to write down each time i knew God was standing there with me...i would not have enough paper or there would be no space on this blog.. We are so blessed and protected. If there is something we need, God provides. Now don't get me wrong here, if God does not provide, than i know He does not think we need it. I'm mature enough to move on.

I have learned to listen to Gods voice. I have learned to be obedient. I have grown to a mature place in my life to know that I'm blessed and will always be...because i have TWO loves in my life that will always love me. We have been through hell and back and back again, but through it all, God is on our side. It is NOT about how many times you go to church in a week, it is about WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHEN YOUR NOT IN CHURCH? It is not about how much money you give in your tithing envelope? Are you giving with your own selfish purpose? So many people have this all twisted. I may go to church once a week or twice a month, but everywhere i go, God goes with me. He is in my heart and in my body. If no one else sees me, HE DOES!!! There is no hiding with Him.

When you pray, what do you ask for?

Do we have any idea what LOVE is? Love is God! God is LOVE. Saying you love someone, you better be able to compare that person to GOD!

Yes, i had a few things on my chest this morning, that i needed to get off. Ok....i feel better. Thank God for BLOGGING! Ha!

Kick Your Pain In The Butt!

I have been thinking real hard whether to post this or not. After reading an email from a friend of mine, I decided to post.

Have you heard of hemorrhoids? Or better yet, a pain in your butt.... Literally.

Although most people think hemorrhoids are abnormal, they are present in everyone. It is only when the hemorrhoid cushions enlarge that hemorrhoids can cause problems and be considered abnormal or a disease.


Although hemorrhoids occur in everyone, they only become problems in 5% of the general population. Hemorrhoids are found equally in men and women, and their prevalence peaks between 35 and 60 years of age. If you have given birth to a child (as a woman) you will be familiar with this. Most mothers have H...or have had.

There are two types of nerves in the anal canal, visceral nerves (above the dentate line) and somatic nerves (below the dentate line). The somatic (skin) nerves are like the nerves of the skin and are capable of sensing pain. The visceral nerves are like the nerves of the intestines and do not sense pain, only pressure. Therefore, internal hemorrhoids, which are above the dentate line, usually are painless. These are however the worst ones. They lead to major future problems.

For convenience in describing the severity of internal hemorrhoids, many physicians use a grading system:


•First-degree hemorrhoids: Hemorrhoids that bleed but do not prolapse.

•Second-degree hemorrhoids: Hemorrhoids that prolapse and retract on their own (with or without bleeding).

•Third-degree hemorrhoids: Hemorrhoids that prolapse but must be pushed back in by a finge•Fourth-degree hemorrhoids: Hemorrhoids that prolapse and cannot be pushed back in.


Fourth-degree hemorrhoids also include hemorrhoids that are thrombosed (containing blood clots) or that pull much of the lining of the rectum through the anus.In general, the symptoms of external hemorrhoids are different than the symptoms of internal hemorrhoids.

How are hemorrhoids diagnosed?



"Most individuals who have hemorrhoids discover them in one of several ways. They either feel the lump of an external hemorrhoid when they wipe themselves and note drops of blood in the toilet bowl or on the toilet paper, or feel a ball on their tush after wiping. Severe anal pain may occur after using the restroom. Symptoms of anal discomfort and itching may occur, but anal conditions other than hemorrhoids are more likely to cause these symptoms than hemorrhoids.
Hemorrhoids often get a"bum rap" for such symptoms since both hemorrhoids and other anal conditions are common and may occur together."

Treatment of hemorrhoids includes over the counter topical medications ....if you have any symptoms, please do not be ashamed. Look, I'm not at all familiar with these all these words or symptoms...however i did some research....and have come to this. I too experienced somewhat a thing or two after giving birth to Captain so I KNOW!

You may be thinking, "why is this woman blogging about this? Like hello....."

I know the feeling of this pain and i also know that many women suffer with this problem. If you have any questions, please contact a specialist. Your doctor. A specialist. This could lead to a major surgical problem so PLEASE go and seek help if you think you have a problem.

XOXOXO

Our Many Faces!

An ego that wants something from another-will usually play some kind of role to get its needs met. Some kind of gratification, be it physical or psychological. I would say people are usually completely aware of the roles they play. I can definitely speak for myself. We strive off of attention but the catch here is why do we do this? The source of all the energy we need is within us (God is within us), yet we go searching for it through our egos.

This attention is some form of recognition, praise, admiration or just to be noticed in some way.

Adults are like children. If they can't get attention, they behave in a negative way (been there-done that) It is like crying out in an action that says, "please tell me i still exist." This is an extreme version of a normal ego. Then there is the one of a victim. This ego seeks sympathy or pity (in some form) It is all about "me and my story." This person tends to be a complainer and never happy. She/He hangs onto their past. Be it yesterday or 10 years ago. They feel there is no life without that "story." Of course once you identify yourself with a story, you don't want it to end so you carry that story on and on. The ego does not want an end to its "problems" because it is apart of its identity. If no one listens to "the sad story" you just tell it to yourself in your head. You make yourself into someone that matters and that is all that matters to the "ego."

In the early stages of relationships, most people "role play" It is quite common in order to attract and keep the opposite person interested. During these stages we tend to think "I'll play who you want me to be and you'll play who i want you to be." That's the unspoken agreement (lol) However role playing is very hard work and these "faces" can't be sustained forever. When you start living together and these roles slip, what do you see? Unfortunately you will see the true essence of that person start to unfold. Layer by layer.

What we call "falling in love" is in most cases an intensification of our ego wanting and needing. You become addicted to another person. This is so unhealthy. What you are addicted to is NOT the other person it is YOUR image of that person. TRUE LOVE contains no wanting whatsoever.

You were born into your role. It is the role that others assigned to you. It was who you were or thought you were. Many years ago things may have been different but in the modern world, more and more people are confused as to where they fit in, what their purpose is, and even who they are. Is this a bad thing? No!

I admire when people say, "I don't know who I am." Because the truth is, it is better to not know than to act like you know (the ego).

When you accept that you don't know, you enter into a state of peace and clarity that is closer to who you truly are than you could ever imagine.

View the world around us if we could just "be" ourselves. Authentically real. Despite who we are talking to or interacting with, we are authentic and never different.

I'm going to try this. I will be the first to admit i have different roles for different people. Why?

I DON'T KNOW!

Smile.... And The World Will Smile Back!

I am home getting ready for a wedding i will be working at today. As i am sitting here reminiscing on a meeting i had with my boss and the Trade Sensation team, i keep hearing my boss say, " Ok ladies always remember  no matter what, smile. Even if you are feeling bothered by something just smile. It will make you feel better anyway. Well, she is RIGHT! When i am at my lowest for whatever reason, i just keep smiling anyway. If i were to show my internal emotions to the world, no one would want to associate with me (lol) I mean if you think about it. It works! You are giving yourself permission to feel better. Smiling is an internal thing. Mentally, believe you are ok and the miserable face disappears :-)))))


There are so many reasons why smiling is healthy. Here are a few:

1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive - We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor.

2. Smiling has the power to change our moods.

3. Smiling relieves stress - Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed.

4. Smiling lifts our faces and makes us look younger.

5. Smiling Is Contagious - A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.

No matter what you are going through today or any other day, i promise you, if you keep smiling, you will feel so much better about yourself and others. You may be thinking, "why would i smile if i don't feel like it" I understand. But i have been through hell and back since childhood and i get asked often "Liz how do you do it? You just keep on going" I promise you, there are days where i would love to strangle somebody or something lol...but i remind myself of what i have that thousands if not millions do not have. My health. My children. My sanity. My legs, arms, senses. My home. My clothing and job. I can sit here and keep typing but I'm sure you get my point.

We tend to stress the small stuff. When i say small stuff i mean things that only God has control of. broken relationships, work problems, family issues, financial stress, health crisis....just give it all to him...Allow Him to take control and pay attention to His instructions. Let it go and smile. Tell God "I trust in YOU alone and know you would not give me more than i can handle" ...and keep it moving.

Think of all the less fortunate children in the world (whenever you are feeling down) and what little they have. Think of how they still find in themselves to play, have fun and laugh when all they have eaten for the day is a bowl of rice. We have every reason in the world to be filled with joy and laughter. 

I have never thought of suicide or fallen into a deep depression. I'm not kidding you when i say NEVER. Although I understand people who do and have known many who have. It is not easy dealing with depression. All i can say is, my only key to this is SMILE and don't complain. Complaining brings down your energy level and you end up feeling terrible inside.

Did you know that animals smile? Have you ever seen a dog smile? If not, pay attention to when you are playing with a pet and you will see "the smile." Uuugghh so precious.

 

Try it for a week. Despite how you are feeling....smile!

I Will NOT Snooze Again!

I do not normally sleep in AT ALL. I'm in bed by 9-9:30pm the latest most nights. Last night Captain and i were still up at 11pm...which totally messed me up this morning. Keep in mind, I think I'm still jet legged (did i spell it right) My alarm went off at 5:50am and for the first time ever, i put it on snooze until 6:15 and then i did it again at 6:15am for 10 minutes. Captain was so beat and did not want to be bothered for his milk (which was a huge surprise) so i let him stay home with his brother Keeno.

I was not in a good mood when i got into my car and I'm at work totally out of it. I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me and i finally got it. I'm tired. I rushed into work and I feel out of it. Not because i went to bed a bit later than usual but because i went back to sleep and according to Dr.Phil once you wake up it takes more than an hour to fall into a deep sleep. So why do we do that to ourselves? I mean what is the point of getting ten to fifteen more minutes of sleep? Plus I could not get Captain up and decided to keep him home, which i never do and than on top of that my morning coffee taste like crap. I was rushing to get ready because i did not have much time to drop Captain to school, only to keep him home.

I will never put my alarm on Snooze again and i will not rush again either. I do not like feeling this way at all. I mean what is the point? Just get to bed on time and wake up on time. It's simple.

Ok so what can i do to feel better? Hmmm well it is all in our minds. Right? YES!

My Time Away!

As many of you know i was away with my son Keeno and my foster son Kirk. We stayed in Punta Cana at The Grand Paradise. I totally enjoyed my time there and there was plenty to do throughout the day. The boys enjoyed themselves more, as they were out and about all day and evening. I was in bed by 9..9:30pm every night (almost) The boys say i was a "Party Pooper" My answer to that was, "yeah i was once young like you guys"

We spent our days relaxing on the beach, walking, laughing and a bit of site seeing. Ohh let me not forget to mention our massages at the spa on the beach. I was so relaxed that i fell asleep half way through it. Kirk had drool on his mouth when he got up from the bed lol (joking)

Five mornings out of the seven, i woke up around 6am, had breakfast and then wrote for about half hour to an hour. My goal was to complete my book while i was away. I got nowhere near completing it. I wrote two chapters and that was it. Although two chapters does not seem like a lot of writing. It is. But i could have written a lot more. However, I'm more determined now than ever to get this book finished.

I will honestly say that out of all the trips i have ever been on, this was the most relaxed i have ever been. I had a good time doing nothing most days. I stayed away from "carbs" so i came back at the same weight i left. I had a few drinks which probably replaced my carbs (rice, potatoes, breads and fried foods) Although i do not eat much carbs anyway. I thought for sure the boys and i would gain weight as we were constantly eating, but they did not gain any either. Maybe it was all the walking we did.

The boys and i had quality time to bond and chat about "life" Not having Captain (my three year old) around was a bonus for them because all my time was focused on making them happy. The boys and i discussed how simple the locals live. The small things they valued were so amazing to see. We spoke about how materialistic we have all become living in North America. How healthy they ate and something as simple as a chocolate bar they viewed as a "treat" One they did not desire much.
I ran on the beach most mornings but the last couple i walked with an amazing young lady i met there with her partner. We met them the last few days of our trip. Up until that point i was alone with the boys. We walked and chatted which was great. If there is one thing i know now is; if i lived in a hot climate i would be super FIT! We barely saw anyone who was over weight (locals) The people in Punta Cana walk everyday all day. It totally amazed us.

Now more than ever, I'm focused on my famila and what i love doing. I love Event Planning...and that is what i will stay true too. If i could quit my job at the city and focus on events and weddings, i would. I will keep praying for that day to come. I love writing and that is what i will do everyday for at least twenty minutes a day. I love my close friends and realize that this life is nothing without family. All the time we spend on waisted stuff, we should be applying to our loved ones. One day, we will all be gone. Some sooner than others. But if there is one thing life gaurantees is that we will all DIE. I hate to put it this way, but it is true. So I'm going to value my time as much as i can. I will not rush. I will not get impatient with my kids , family or friends. I will not make big deals out of small deals (lol) I will be authentic and real. Humble and happy.

From this day forth, i will go on one "do nothing" vacation a year. It will be with my family and never again without my Captain. My goal is to go to a different part of the world each year. I'm encouraging the boys to travel together and enjoy their life. They were truly inspired by all the young people travelling as friends or in groups. University and College students all over the place. Thank God my boys are good boys (if you know what i mean)

You have been thinking about a vacation for awhile...so go ahead and book a trip somewhere. You can't afford it? Yes you can. Take 6 months to pay it off. Treat yourself and your family. You deserve it. Go ahead. Let me know how it goes.

ATTENTION!!!! ATTENTION!!!

You are may be wondering where is Liz? Well this is just a heads up that I am away in the Dominican for a week with my son keeno and my foster son, Kirk.

We are having such an amazing time. We will be back soon. I do not want to get caught up with Canada while we are here so I will just leave you with this.

xoxoxoxox

Stop Nagging!

So you think nagging will get him to stop cheating or stop going out, partying, drinking, cursing...whatever it is, NO it won't!

I have been apart of so many women's groups and have listened to women complain about why they nag. For some of them; it makes them feel better. For others, they think if they stop then "the man" won't stop whatever it is he is doing.

Ladies, look....you have got to stop. Trust me. I know this from experience. I was never a nagger. Ever! My ex boyfriends will sware to this. However, after a situation with my ex i started nagging. But i had reason to nag. I'm not saying don't nag if you have reason too. Just don't nag if you plan on staying. What is the point? That is waisted time and energy. I worked myself up sooooo much and got so stressed out that the only person i was putting through hell was myself. Why? Because i was betrayed. But that is not the worse part, i left him days after finding out what i found out. So the worse part is that i was no longer living with him but still causing trouble. Your probably thinking, "You had every right" Well not really. Despite the story or what happened, i still should have walked away cold turkey. Today, i would have walked away with a smile and said "Thank you God, for taking me out"

Nagging is the worse thing you can do to yourself but above all your kids.
It may not be about cheating. Find the root cause of the problem. Sometimes goals and expectations can not be met because there is a lack of communication. It is important that couples know what goals and expectations have been set for the relationship goals and expectations need to be clearly expressed. They must be specific, achievable and be time-measured. Not all nagging is due to cheating or a bad habit.

Talk without shouting. Raised voices can cause a person to immediately become defensive. When in a protective mode, the husband may shut down emotions and stop listening. I will seriously tell you that probably all men or MOST do this. Men and women do not do not do things the same way. He may retreat inside himself to get away from an unpleasant situation. It may cause him to have low self-esteem or to lash out in angry retaliation causing an escalation in the conflict. I have seen this with my own eyes. It is not pretty.

If you, like myself, are nagging because of a cheating partner, LET IT GO! Pray for his healing ( i know it's hard) and pray for the WOMEN/Girls he is with. But look at it this way my sister, "It is no longer your problem and the same way she/they found him will be the same way she/they will loose him" Wish him well. Pray for him and let it go!

FREE YOURSELF!
Live, laugh and learn to dance. If you know how to dance, keep dancing!

In a few years you will look back and laugh. Take care of yourself. Find yourself. Love yourself. Believe in YOURSELF and move on.

Love, Liz (Ms.Deva)