I am sitting at my computer set next to a large window in my room and just thanking God for my life. For all that He has brought me through and that He is doing in me.
After spending some time (recently) reading the pages in the hard copy of my memoir, I realized wow! Yes I definitely went through some things. But all along I knew there was a purpose in it all and that I would come out victorious. Did I know when or the timing? No. Not at all. I only knew i knew.....which I still know :-)
I thought back to the days I was a foster kid myself and how it felt to be living in strange homes only to be ripped away or run away days later. I remember the smells in some of the homes that i personally thought were filthy and in no condition for a child to live in. Now, filthy to me may not be filthy to you. My mother was a clean freak and you could eat off our floors so truthfully I was probably just exaggerating...a bit (lol). I thought back to the locks on the cupboards and the fridge and then of course our bedroom windows. And then i took some time to think of all the beating I took both physically and emotionally from people I thought I loved. I thought of friends I lost. Things I have seen with my innocent (at the time) eyes and the innocence I lost. But through it all, I knew this can't be it. There got to more to this life and why I am here.
If I had never lived in foster care as a young girl, I would not know hands on what it takes to be a loving and caring foster parent. If I was never abused I wouldn't know the signs to look for in abused children and women. I would not know how to mentor abused youth and women. I would not have the compassion I have for the unfortunate. If I was never homeless, I would not know what to say to the homeless when I am out ministering to them with love and care. If I had not been abused in every way by past lovers, I would never know hot to tell a friend she needs to run because I can see the signs! If I had not sold drugs and did other forms of "hustle" I would not value a "real job" or appreciate money. The little I may have. Because for too long I did not care to have a job. I would not know what to say to our youth about why they "need out" and where they will end up. I would feel foolish even mentioning the word "hustle" or "drugs"not knowing exactly what...to say. Our youth today want to know you that you actually know what they are feeling before they even give you the time of day.
If I was not a single mother at the age of 18 what could I possibly say to the young teens who are parenting not one but two sometimes three children. How and why would I encourage them not to have sex at a young age? Just because it's not right or their too young. No, it goes so much deeper then that. If I did not survive a marriage break down I would not see why it is so important to wait on God!
In saying of this. I say this; everything I went through as young girl, teen and adult prepared me for today. For the best days of my life. Everything I am today, everything i do today is a product of my past! I thank God He chose me for this. He knew I could handle it. And He knew I would come out stronger then ever. That it would make me not break me.
Every-time something drastic took place in my life or every-time I somehow got beat down mentally or physically, I got right back up. I have never stayed down for long. Because I have always known who I was and that there was a purpose in it all. Even as a young girl, I knew.
Please know that whatever it is you are going through is preparing you for your BEST! It will pass and you will look back and actually thank God for it. Stop for a minute right now and study the situation you are facing. What is it? What is the lesson you need to get out of this? Why is it so hard? Are you entertaining something that is NOT good for you? If you are, then YOU are the problem. Remember "WE" are the solutions to our problems. All of them! God has given us the choice to make a difference in our situations. I have always chosen to RISE!
I encourage you to see your trials as building blocks to where you are going. Yes you are going somewhere. To a place where you will experience true joy and peace. Take the right exit! Don't look back. Keep walking. Thank God for your worst moments and keep it mov'n!!
Sealed with LOVE
Elizabeth
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