My Miracle Dec 26 9:10am...The Journey That Just Began

I spent the day with my sons baking and enjoying quality time then the night of Christmas with my family laughing and having no care in the world. I had known my Jamaican side family (my 19 year old's family) since i was 14 and something was different this night. I was especially thankful for having them in my life and helping to raise my big son Keeno. I saw extra beauty in their eyes and was so thankful for having them apart of us. I did not want to go home and the drive home was very bad. There was a storm in Inisfil, which is where we were. I prayed the whole way home while Keeno drove. Of course, God brought us to our drive-way safely.

The next morning i woke up to heat some milk for Captain. It was 9:10am
I went to the bathroom as i usually do first thing in the morning. Ooops i had forgotten to thank God for the privilege of seeing another day of life.I will admit, too often i do this.

'Oooh my God what just happened" i told myself as i got up from what seemed to be a seizure if i had to describe it. Ok no big deal. That was weird. I went down the stairs and into the kitchen. "Oh God oh God ok what the hell was that? Now I am a bit scared." My feet went flying in the air and i landed on my tail bone hard smacking my head on the floor. Now i am nervous. But i ignored it. I grab the sippy cup and start my way up the stairs. I fall down a few flights and  milk goes flying everywhere on the wall. Again another seizure? My foster son comes out of the bathroom and asks if i am ok? Of course i am ok. I am Liz. I thought. I then realize that every time i fell i blacked out. Hhhm. I got to the last stair at the top of about 15 steps and.............................I am scared. Ohhh God my sons are over me. I can barely speak. I don't want to move. I am afraid i am unable to get up. I am laying on my stomach flat out at the bottom of the stairs. What just happened. I fell down the entire set backwards doing 2 flips (i remember it) and landing on my head. Is this really happening?

This fall was the best thing God did to me.

My sister right then calls me after my son carried me up the stairs (both sons) and laid me in bed on my side. Kirk who found me and was there to go and wake up Keeno had to leave for work. He was already going out the door. Suzie says," what do you mean you don't want to go to the hospital?" and then breaks down yelling begging my son (i could hear hear) to call emergency now, I heard the fear in her voice and said ok. They arrive and now i am at the hospital. The twitching continued a few hours until i was given a pill that my sister demanded which made it stop. I am not scared now because there is no pain. Just a little curious what this was all about. I was awake and aware but very dazed out. My son, sister and brother John are at my bed side making me laugh. Each time i looked at my sister, i saw fear but i never mentioned anything. She was quiet for the most part. I thought the most this could be is epilepsy.

 The x-ray of the tumor i was diagnosed with. Very shocking. God alone......

The Dr. arrives with my results. "Your blood work is fine and there is nothing wrong with your back and neck due to the fall. But we found something in your brain.....you have a pretty large brain tumor that needs to be operated on right away because it is bleeding due to the falls. We are going to put you in an ambulance right away and bring you to Trillium Hospital to have surgery."

 My rock. My heart. My baby gurl. Good ol'days. Ohhhh every time i look at this pic....

.......................................................................................I don't know what to tell you happened next but i remember screaming out my sister's name crying for her to protect me, to help me, i guess. We have both gone into a serious shock. For the first time ever she couldn't. She looked like she was going to faint crying uncontrollably  and my brother and son were the same. Fear and the idea of dying led me to ask the Dr. in tears "if i was going to die". I quickily reminded myself that " i am a child of God. I am a child of God." They pulled me away in a stretcher away from my family where i balled my eyes out and thought i would not make it that very moment. Confused with bad thoughts and reminded by quick positive thoughts. I looked behind me with my eyes stuck on the my family was now standing on my right. Next to the stretching they were getting me ready on. I am still staring while the stretcher was being pulled away and then they were out of site. Then i heard a voice. Literally. "Fear not for i am with the." I didn't know if it was me wanting to hear the voice or if it was Gods voice. The final results proved who's voice it was.

I am drugged up and on a lot of drugs now. I open my eyes realize i have not had surgery yet. I am so so so scared. So fast. No time to think or kiss my family. Where are they? Did they leave me here with these people? So i ask the nurse, "where is my family? Can you tell them to come in here please?" "Yes we will. In a moment." I want to yell and scream. No i can't wait, but i have no strength." These are doctor's who know what their doing Liz. All of a sudden they arrive. The ambulance went to fast. They went through all the red light. I recall telling them "Don't turn on the noise just the lights please. It's embarrassing and loud." LOL even in my moment i cracked a joke. Actually according to them, a few. I felt so safe with everyone there. So many friends and family. Too many to name. The nurses got overwhelmed with visitors. I felt safe. I know i am ok God. I knew i was not going to die even before the operation. I felt so lucky to see everyone. The laughter in the room brought up my spirits. I had not known how loved i was. So loved.

My surgery.

I was very drugged up and i never took my eyes off my son Keeno. My first love., who stood on my right side holding my hand and fighting the tears that at times he could not control. I could see that he wanted and felt he had to stay strong for me. Every time he broke down he walked off. My family was in a state of shock and fear could not control them either. But i know they tried hard. What is happening? Is this real? Why me? No don't think like that Liz. Umm no don't say that Liz. God does all things with a purpose.

The important men in my life....

They stroll me away after saying my ummm "later" to everyone very quickly. 2 people were allowed to come into the operating room so Keeno and Grandma came? Brother John wanted to kiss me too...awww.  Grandma came in to to say their prayers and see me again very quickly. So Keeno looks into my eyes and his are filled with tears and says, "Mom please don't die on me. I wouldn't be able to live." It suddenly hit me. . "Keeno i won't. I promise. I will be back There is no way no way i am leaving my boys in the world alone. God no way."

Right at the moment i was about to ask them to pray for me, grandma offers to pray. I shut my eyes and see myself wrapped in the arms of the Lord. But i don't see a body or face. Just arms. I know God is with me. I know this. They kiss my forehead and i start to cry. I want to tell them that i WILL be fine and i will be back. I am unable to look at Keeno at this moment, because crying would make him sad .I want him to be strong.

The Dr. comes and says he has to take me now. Or maybe i was already in the operating room when they came. Well the  room that felt cold. Everything was made of iron laid out just like the movies. They start a conversation with me but i am unable to concentrate. My eyes are wondering. I spot a very long table with many stainless steel tools. I am afraid again. I know they will be using those tools on my head. So many questions in my mind. Oh dear God. How big will this cut be? Oh maybe like 6 or 8 stitches. I suddenly see all the Dr.'s about 6 of them, walk towards the left wall and they have pencils in their hands pointing at the  wall where there was 4 x-ray photos laid out. 2 on top and 2 on the bottom. It is my brain. Ohhh my goodness i see the tumor. Clear as day. It's big. Ewww that is what is in my brain? It is on the left side at the top. Will they be able to get that thing out God? What kind of tumor is it? ..........a few seconds pass. I silently call out for God......I am Ok. I can feel a sense of peace come over me. Am i suppose to feel so peaceful looking at all this? I was not afraid anymore. I think i smiled. Well at least inside i did. The Lord was in control and right beside me. The only thing i could think of were my siblings, who patiently waited and my sons. Speaking to God with their faces in my mind. They were the only ones on my mind. Although i had many loved ones, they were all that mattered at that moment. I was scared just seconds ago and the Lord knew that i could not go under with fear so He answered my call and filled me with peace. The Dr. comes to me. The surgeon. I guess. There were so many of them that looked the same in there. He asks a few questions. I was so at east and okay. I don't remember what he asked and then...... i am sleeping..........Peacefully and in the arms of God (angel..one of my fav songs; In the arms of an angel....).

I am up. I hear a lot of movement. I was very tired. There was a lot of joy, laughter and tears because i could hear them. At some point i fell asleep after they strolled me into a room. My baby sis and keeno are calling my name. My sis said i looked beautiful. I just want to hold them. What seemed like one by one apparently was 2 by 2. So many visitors. Ohh my. I heard the nurse telling the visitors they had to go and let me rest. After everyone came in and i shared jokes with them with my eyes still unable to to open permanently. I had forced them open for  brief seconds. All of a suddeny when things settled down a bit with visitors i hear mommy joy outside, "i am here to see mi daughta....no no no i need fi see her." I guess the nurses were not allowing anyone else in. Visiting hours were over at 8pm and mine went until after 11pm lol They turned her away. awww. I was well aware of what just happened in regards to my surgery and started to cry my eyes out thanking God for another chance. It was a different cry. I felt so unworthy of another chance and realized how real God was. I realized i had all my senses and cried some more. I could not move my lips because they were sticking together from the dehydration. I say out loud, "Nurse please bring me some water." She replies and says, "Oh dear you can't have anything yet." "Huh are you kidding i feel like i can't breath." So they bring me a water sponge to suck. "That's all i get?" i ask.She laughs and says yes. I might as well suck my dry thumb. Ok Liz just be thankful your alive. "What time is it?" i ask. "Ohhh it is still early and you just came out of a major surgery Elizabeth. Don't worry about the time." I could not sleep and i did not sleep the whole night. They gave me "some sort of pain killers that tripped me out. I started seeing faces with bald heads at the window and butterflies swarming my roof. I pulled the covers over my head and stayed there the whole night. My cousin joked and sais all the heads were all the people that wanted to visit me. LOL!!!! The following morning the visitors started at 8am. My brother John. My stubborn beautiful brother. One after another and many times many at once.So many. So much love and support. Flowers swarmed the shelf. Teddy bears and pajama's with cute robes. The nurses started getting upset saying i need rest and it needs to stop. But i don't want it to stop. I don't want to be alone.Why are they stopping people at the door...hey they think i can't hear them so i say, " nurse who is that?" lol lol

The man that God used to save my life.

The third day the surgeon comes to see me. I felt like i saw an angel. I break down in tears and he grabs both my hands and holds them in his. "You are a miracle child." I start crying. My sister had already told me what he shared with them moments after my operation about the seriousness of it but it really hit me when he spoke those words. They were still unreal to me. "You saved my life. You are so beautiful. Thank you thank you......" I am in tears. "I was so nervous while operating Elizabeth. I was sweating head to toe because you had this particular vain that was gushing out so much blood. I didn't know how to stop it and thought of cutting it out at one point. But it would have caused too much damage to you. So i took a deep breath and slowly stitched it back into place. You had to get a blood transfusion. A lot of blood. If your sister did not sign for the blood you would not have made it. (Apparently i said no just before the operation when they asked if i wanted the blood transfusion and went on about how the blood is not clean lol lol. I would never have said that in my right mind lol) I knew i could not disappoint your sister and all those people you had out there so i took a deep breath and eventually got it all out and its clean (i had no idea how many people were out there because the last i knew it was four. Now i know it was many more). Fortunate is not even the word...Shock ...just...amazing.

God continued to work mightily as each hour passed. I spoke and mentioned His name about 20 times a day. All the nurses were angelic. They would come in and say, "oh you are the young one huh (it was all old people on that floor with the same situation but a lot worse) and the miracle child. That word still didn't hit. I know what happened and all but i mean...just soo new. I was never alone throughout the day and had a gathering for new years eve lol. It was about 40 visitors a day. Sometimes more.

                                                                    Nurse Natalia (lol)

                                                             My praying teddy bear i slept 
                                                              with every night from sis.

According to the nurses, i was a "super star" and that is how i felt. So loved. So special. Everyday there were a few regulars. My girls for life. My sister, who was my rock, my everything. I have always known how much she admired me, since we were kids running around on bleecker st. and since we were eachother's angel and joy while we were sad at home. Innocent little girls. Which is how we are now. Just as we were; protective little girls. Then there was Natalia, Ernie, Snoopy, Yinka, Debbie, mommy Joy and family, Jolleene, Colleen and Ms.Veena who kept shopping for me. She had her own situation that needed much attention, and it is what i was giving her prior, yet she became my own personal nurse. She even bathed me like a mother bathes her child. I got to wear a different pajama set almost everyday. I think they all brought me a beautiful robe. I have never had this many robes lol.What women, i tell you. I had not touched the hospital food once except the time they brought me a fresh fruit platter set that was a special order.. These girl's brought me more food daily that i could even eat. So much of it just sat there. They understood that my appetite was not the same yet, but wanted to make sure i was ok.The bond that we all created was beyond beautiful. Amazing. Angelic. No words could describe the love we shared. The appreciation. The tears of joy. The stories. Quality time spent loving each other. Gary, who i have know for many many years became apart of out bond. Speaking about the Word, daily. He strengthened me. It was all so REAL. It was what God has given us life for.

                                         Sis washing my hair for the first time. Just as we did as kids.

Removing my staples. Being a big suck. Naty took a million pictures. Truly paparazziat work...

My recovery has been going along very rapidly. Against all odds my senses are all 100% and all that i need to do now is take it easy and go slow, FOR NOW lol.  I got a new hair cut  and i tell you i love it. My soldier Ernie (Blanket Project) blessed me with a barber at the hospital. Yup right at my service. hhhmm some things never change lol lol playing. Of course the busy body that i am i has not been taking the whole "stay in bed thing" serious as i am suppose too. While i was in the hospital the one book in the bible that was constantly  brought up and prayed about was Psalms 91. My favorite. I had many true people of God pray over and with me. It was beautiful. Days where there were 15 to 20 people at a time, all holding hands and praying with me in JOY. When i was constantly asked, " Liz it's so shocking. Why you? You are such a great person....." I would stop them in their words. "Why not me? I am so glad i have been chosen.

                                                          Quality time is all that matters.

God Shook me up a bit. He used me to you all how REAL He is. He wanted my story to change your lives. How i know that? Because log onto youtube and watch these stories. He protected me the entire time and never let me go." He purposely saved me from a situation that ....well let's not go there. He has made this entire journey so beautiful. New. Amazing. Real." He has given me a final chapter to my book. To my story, that sadly never had a final chapter....because the chapter it did have was not good enough for me. I am divorced and the divorce was very ugly. I never speak publicly about this. Because of shame. So the Lord gave me a survival story to speak about.

 My Jo Jo...loyal to the end. Myyy ohhh myyy true beauty....

 My surprise home gathering party. What a surprise. One of the best days of my life.

Now i am good and ready and proud of my divorce and everything else God has removed me from and saved me from. I have been blessed with three beautiful boys that love me dearly. That i will not leave out in this selfish world......i am sooo ready for whatever He has prepared for me. I have learned to wait on His time.

To all my blog readers who have patiently waited for the next blog. I would not leave you...noway...just waited for the right time to post this. Thank you for your emails and please believe that God is real. Look out for a very life changing documentation that i will be taping this week. I will be letting you into my world....for the first time :-)

I was blessed with a professional Photoshop after my miracle by a very beautiful woman clare@gleegraphics.com

Enjoying a moment with Claire's dog "Winnie" who who was lovin me up.

Search within you to find what it is that God has called you for. Listen to His words because they will never fail you. Ernie and i are desiring Gods purpose now more then ever and have so many for Project Blanket. A ministry i can't wait to get back out there to do. lol Enjoy!

I have not done spell check. Just read and enjoy. Thank you.