I woke up in a rather strange yet familiar bed this morning. One that I love sleeping in. And in a home I call "a home away from home." The air was filled with the scent of fresh coffee beans and the rain was beating on the window ledge giving my - already - soar body no desire to get up. Then from nowhere ..she appeared. My baby - big sis Suzie. She is so beautiful, I thought to myself. So small and fragile. Every time I spend a night with her and get to see her in the morning, it brings me back to childhood memories. Mornings were our favorite time of the day. We'd help each other pick out our outfits, eat breakfast together, play with our dolls, draw write and color or we'd simply lay in bed chatting away our dreams and stories. Today, we are still the same. Mornings are our favorite times together.
Yesterday was a special and oh so fun day for us. I had the chance to do her full body workout class and even spend the day at work with her, go for sushi with her co-workers, go to her mother in laws house for dinner, do a little shopping and just be girls again. I love love love being with her. She is my BFF. We have been through so much turmoil starting at such an innocent and fragile age. We have overcome obstacles that have left many other sisters crippled from the ability to love again. But through those moments, I was able to love deeper. And Because of her, I still believe in love.
The teddy bear she gave me that i slept with every night. A praying teddy bear.
As I laid in her spare room last night praying before I shut my eyes to sleep, I began to thank God for my baby sis. Out of nowhere I broke down crying remembering my recent surgery. I suddenly saw her little face in front of me, broken, weak from sleepless nights, pale from lack of nutrition yet smiling just to keep my spirits up. I started playing back moments of us in the hospital where she was caring for me, uplifting me, cleaning me up, tidying up the room, ordering people to stop visiting so I could sleep, interacting with the nurses and doctors, walking away from my bed side just to go outside and cry (she thought i didn't know) and then took such good care of me for 2 weeks while i was released into her care from the hospital. She was and is my
ROCK! My angel. All I cared about moments prior to entering that operating room was that my baby sis and Keeno were near by (I did not want Captain to see me like that). I had no idea who was in the waiting room but my mind stayed focused on the fact that they were there. Right outside the room. In some strange way, that brought so much comfort to my heart.
Although we were born with an unbreakable bond, that surgery did something to us that no sister could imagine unless she was close to loosing hers. We are nowhere near ready for a day like that. We will grow old together walking on our walkers at 95
still giving each other treats and gifts. Just like she did this morning. I get to go home with new treats.
Prior to that surgery baby sis and I spoke to often about loosing each other or one of our brothers. We were paranoid and allowed fear to control our minds sometimes. 2 weeks before I was admitted into emergency brain surgery, I had a dream that I was laying in a hospital bed while my sister was holding my left hand. Instead of praying and asking God to remove those thoughts and dreams, I simply called my sister and told her about the dream. 2 weeks later, I woke up from surgery laying on an operating bed while my sister held my left hand. Moments later I looked at her and said "oh my God Sue... My dream" it was then and there I decided to let "fear"
GO!!!
Today we are living a happy, fulfilled, peaceful life in the moment! Free from guilt, shame, sadness, anger and above all judgement.
(This picture was taken by me. My first full shower after surgery. The first time i washed the surgery cut. I put her through hell in that shower just to let her wash the cut lol. We said "come let's take a shower together like we did as kids" I remember crying....)
Don't wait until you have a scary moment before you realize how precious life is or how much you need your siblings, family, kids or spouse. Today, love deeper. Today, let go of fear!
Thank you God for my baby big sis! I love you corisca (brat) lol
